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Wednesday, August 19, 2020

Shaking, Bloody Zendaya Cuts ‘Daily Mail’ Tracking Device From Arm With Steak Knife - The Onion

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Illustration for article titled Shaking, Bloody Zendaya Cuts ‘Daily Mail’ Tracking Device From Arm With Steak Knife

LOS ANGELES—Taking a swig of whiskey and biting into a towel to stop herself from screaming, a shaking, bloody Zendaya reportedly cut a Daily Mail tracking device from her arm Wednesday with a steak knife. “Oh my god, that’s it...that’s how they always knew when I was out on a bike ride, drinking iced coffee, or getting lunch with Tom Holland,” said the actor, singer, and model, prying the small, blinking device from beneath several layers of skin, smashing it with the back of her knife, and throwing the remains into a nearby toilet. “I knew something strange was happening six months ago when they caught me wearing that dress with the weird back when I was visiting my parents, but I had no idea it went this far. Oh my god. I have to tell Jacob [Elordi]. They probably have one in him too.” At press time, Zendaya had reportedly fallen to the ground after a Daily Mail blowdart flew through her kitchen and hit her in the side of her neck.

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August 19, 2020 at 07:46PM
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Shaking, Bloody Zendaya Cuts ‘Daily Mail’ Tracking Device From Arm With Steak Knife - The Onion

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